What is self-worth
Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.”
Why is it that so many of us have issues with our self-worth in and of itself? Small children does not have self-worth issues. They love themselves and are happy to be with who they are. It would be cruel to expect to love and value yourself, if you did not grew up in an environment where your primary caregivers did not know meaning of having self-worth and self-love. If you grew up in an environment where your needs were not met, your feelings were invalidated, often compared to someone else or shamed for who you are, you learn to disown yourself in order to ‘survive’. It is inevitable to have issues with who and what you are. You will not know where to begin to value or love yourself. Be patient and have compassion for yourself on this journey.
Self-worth issues stem from the thought ‘I’m not enough’. ‘Not enough with things I do to justify my existence’, therefor the rat race for achievement. These thoughts create powerlessness which moves one into a victim mentality of self-hate and shame. To be constantly in a process to become more, to be better, because you are not worthy of who and what you are, causes feelings of anxiety, despair, weariness, and stress. We are on earth to expand ourselves, but not from a place of worthlessness.
“There are many ways for a person to value themselves and assess their worth as a human being, and some of these are more psychologically beneficial than others. Although, self-worth is often used as a synonym for “self-esteem,” Dr. Lisa Firestone believes that self-worth should be less about measuring yourself based on external actions and more about valuing your inherent worth as a person. In other words, self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do.
In this sense, searching for self-worth by constantly comparing ourselves to others means to always be fighting a losing battle. As Dr. Neff says, There is always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are. And even when we do manage to feel self-esteem for one golden moment, we can’t hold on to it. Our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lock-step with our latest success or failure”
So how do I move from Worthlessness to Worthiness:
- Take inventory of your strengths. Take inventory where you contradict self-love and self-worth and incrementally release those thoughts, patterns and habits, so that your life becomes the reflection of what you want and appreciate. By doing this you find value in yourself and own your identity for loving reasons.
- Are your beliefs about your self-worth beneficial to you or limiting and detrimental? Did you take on another’s beliefs and now living it? If a belief is from another, leave it at them, it was not yours from the starting point. What could you belief instead that feels better and loving towards yourself.
- What is already true in you life about you that you can believe and acknowledge? This is not boasting or false pride. Be honest with yourself. Acknowledge and thrive on what is enough within you.
- Ask Yourself: “How am I enough?” Take your attention off of your deficiencies and lack of worth. Shift your thoughts to things that are good in you, and find appreciation for it. How small it may be. You will immediately feel the shift. Let your focus be on the inspiration of cultivating self-love: Take care of yourself – you cannot develop self-love if you devalue your own life and filling it with alcohol, drugs, tobacco, no sleep, unhealthy diets, or other habits and addictions to numb the pain. These contribute to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Productivity and talents can be an expression of yourself, but if your value depends on it, it’s counter-productive. You will not feel valued. You will keep adjusting and shifting your levels of productiveness to be more but never feel enough. Be with yourself for a while in silence with your eyes closed. Search for the beauty in your body, your true inner beauty as a soul. Search and validate your value as human and appreciate yourself for who you are. It may feel awkward, but affirm your worthiness, and your reality will reflect that. You will not be projecting your worthlessness onto other, and other will treat you as a worthy valued person.
- Find the hidden benefits for this negative behavior: e.g. are you self-critical, because you think people will feel pity for you – thereby feeling loved by getting the attention? What good do you gain from making yourself less than who you are? What does it prevent you to do? Are you trying to find acceptance, validation and significance from this behavior and thoughts? Be brutally honest with yourself.
You may void thoughts or thinking patterns that:
- Compare yourself to other
- Personalize other people’s opinion of you
- Dwell on blaming, assuming, and worse-case scenarios
- Labeling, and judging yourself and others
- Over generalization and exaggeration like: ‘always, never, and all the ‘should have’s’
- All or nothing patterns – either success or failure – win or lose and nothing in-between
- Making feelings facts – I feel worthless, therefore I must be worthless, ‘She thinks I’m incompetent’ is an assumption which causes you to feel bad about yourself. It affirms that you are not good enough.
- Feed yourself with good thoughts about yourself, like “I value myself, because I care”, ‘I love myself for my caring nature’, I love myself for my sense of humor’, etc.
- Your talents are an expression of your worth, acknowledge and value it as such
- Appreciate others too for their inherent worth and value.
- Only you can boost and validate your self-worth. No-one can do it for you or on your behal
“Galway said “When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that is small, but do not criticize it as rootless and stem less. We treat it as a seed, giving it water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up from the ground, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped, nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place; give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development.
The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it in all times it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in a process of change, yet at each stage, each moment it is whole at it is.”
So is this true for you as a person. Take care of yourself. Make room for your own growth – love yourself.
Till Next Time